The Snapback Life

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Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:11:11 -0500

agforpresident: Ah mane Would eat the box from the back. For...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:10:00 -0500

agforpresident:

Ah mane

Would eat the box from the back. For hours. Not even a question.

hyomg: The official video for ‘ON U’, from the upcoming project...

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 03:23:43 -0500

hyomg:

The official video for ‘ON U’, from the upcoming project F.A.M.E., droppin soon. Video shot earlier today by Havoc Productions. Photography by Jon Bracken.

Whaddup doe… It’s been too long. Did you miss me? Of...

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 19:50:51 -0400

Whaddup doe…

It’s been too long. Did you miss me? Of course you did.. I know. We bouta month into cuffin season, my Eagles are 1 and goddamn FOUR, and there isn’t a single NBA game or season in sight.

But before I get started, …. son….

Ok, OK.. Let’s get right to it..

October 4th, 2011. The day when women everywhere, who terrorized us with nightly tweets about Basketball Wives and Beyonce’s bump inspiring them (Yep!), were in a unifying panic the instant the clock read 12:00am. The minute you swiped that card and that transaction was OFFICIAL, yo…

Only a Ronny Turiaf gif could do this justice.

Ron…

You fucking right.

For those who don’t have the game yet, or don’t intend on buyin it, lemme help you out and give you a quick rundown of what ya missing.

NBA’s Greatest Mode: This year, instead of just reliving Jordan’s career, now we can play and unlock 14 other superstars and their respective teams. Bird and Magic. Wilt versus Russell. Ewing. Malone and Stockton. Shaq and Penny. And a bunch more. The presentation is crazy too. The Bill Russell game is played in black and white, like it was back in the 50s-60s, whenever he played, whereas the 1990s games with Hakeem vs Dikembe, or Jordan vs Zo and Grandmama are played in color, but still retro, basically like you would’ve watched it in the 1990s.

Online Association: Since Stern and the players can’t get they shit together, this feature allows you and 29 other people to form your own NBA league and play out a season, make trades, the All-Star game, the playoffs, all that shit. Gets better.

2K Player Mode: Son. Shit don’t get any realer than this mode here this year. I can’t even explain how quickly life changed for me and the box the moment I created my player for this mode/segment of the game. Let’s start with the basics: The details on the player models this year are fuckin crazy. You can create/duplicate ya OWN jumpshot — that’s right. That same struggle shot you be displaying at ya local rec gym — David Stern actually calls ya name out on Draft night, you get to play in the pre-draft Rookie Showcase to determine ya draft stock, negotiate contracts, pre-draft team interviews, new endorsement deals — magazine covers, billboards, muthafuckin COMMERCIALS b — brand new kicks and equipment; Basically everything you was supposed to do and have til you realized unless you was 6’8” 270 doing windmills, you wasn’t goin to the goddamn league? They covered it all. All ya hoop dreams b, for $59.99. That’s so damn dope, we gotta bring my man Ronz back.

I could go on, but basically you get the idea. 2K12 is the remedy for all ya problems during cuffin season. It’s also most likely gonna be the reason some of ya’lls relationship winds up completely in shambles. See, while you thinkin of all the shit you finna talk while racking up wins and stats in ya V.I.P. Viewer, ya queen is doing this ———>

Why you ask?

Because like all video games you love, 2K12 presents you with numerous opportunities to be great. To prosper. To chill. And me and you both know ya queen don’t know how to chill. Especially in October. Not with Hoelloween around the corner.

One of my followers on twitter proceeded to log in and “drop knowledge” on how to put an end to the constant box struggle against the game. Basically, she suggested that ya queen go throw some lingerie on, throw some finger food on a plate, and try to divert your attention back to her and away from the game.

Yea Mike, I know.

First of all, the FUCK is finger food b? I know what a snack is. I can’t fuck with finger food. That shit got struggle written all over it.

Finger food. Smh.

Secondly, He just paid $59.99 to relive every last bit of all his hoop dreams yo. For the first two weeks upon his purchase, and until he wins at least 15-20 games online, on HOF difficulty, technically, ya’ll don’t even go together. Trust me, that’s a FACT.

Welp, that’s all I got for today. I got a lot of new ventures coming soon, so be on the lookout for those. In meantime, be sure to #UnfollowCobb. In fact, Cobbert, if you reading this right now with Hello Kitty socks and a Kobe jersey on, I want the fade on sight b.

Smh.

…Til next time…

stonerlife: centeredgeterritory: lougzgee: My favorite rapper...

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 02:33:17 -0400

stonerlife:

centeredgeterritory:

lougzgee:

My favorite rapper tho

Common - Blue Sky [ http://hulkshare.com/tvluwx6pqrdw ]

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 21:22:12 -0400

Common - Blue Sky [ http://hulkshare.com/tvluwx6pqrdw ]

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Mon, 03 Oct 2011 01:24:10 -0400

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Mon, 03 Oct 2011 01:22:07 -0400

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Mon, 03 Oct 2011 01:18:19 -0400

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Mon, 03 Oct 2011 01:17:16 -0400

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Wed, 14 Sep 2011 13:41:24 -0400

Oh yea, we back tho.. what’s good? Ayo, first off, lemme...

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 11:01:26 -0400

Oh yea, we back tho..

what’s good?

Ayo, first off, lemme thank the basedgod for financial aid refund checks. Niggas was rich for like a week, coppin kicks and new caps, tryna temporarily eliminate the struggle from they lives, but by next week, best believe niggas is either broke or finna be broke again yo..

But anyway, it’s DAY THREE of muthafuckin CUFFIN SEASON, b. Day muthafuckin three. Light skinned niggas really finna win out here, too. Cole album finally finna drop in like 2 weeks, and Drake’s impending opus finna cartwheel in the picture shortly after. C-C-C-C-C-C-Cuffin Season, which means if you still listening to the struggle raps courtesy of Flocka or Future, you’re probably uncuffed and been reported as spam numerous times by now. But enough of the preliminaries; let’s get right to it.

To all you denim short terrorists out there, still toting ya usual spalding gym bag of thirst and struggle, forever plottin on the next nigga’s queen, we real niggas aint mad at y’all. Game recognize game, never hate the players, you know… Shit’s cool.. but yo.. Niggas gotta follow the fuckin rules out here. I just paid my phone bills. I aint tryna catch felonies. So pay attention.

STAY THE ENTIRE FUCK OUT MY QUEEN’S MENTIONS BRO.

Now, look… After Memorial Day, niggas can’t care to talk to the same chick. All visible thirst everything, no condom season, all that shit be in full effect. No problem.. But yo. Football just started and I’m down 0-1 in my fantasy football league since Sebastian Janikowski wanna kick 63 yd field goals and I didnt start Cam Newton cuz I didnt know he was gon throw for over 400 fuckin yards! FUCK YOU CAMERON.

But back to the topic… Don’t act like a nigga ain’t peeped the facebook chat and inboxes, as well as the DM box and spotted a few of you extra thirsty ass dobermans scratchin at the gate. Fuck outta here b. At her request, I ain’t gon put ya’ll on blast today, but best believe the screencap wave is alive and well yo. Don’t be the next contestant on the Thirst48. I will expose you and completely forget how to care when people make a trending topic out of ya ass.

Son, imagine if this guy was spamming ya queen’s social network the very millisecond she logs in:

I don’t know who this nigga is, but based on his picture, I’m confident he has no clue who the Weeknd is nor is his check engine light off. Nigga left on 7th and was back on the 8th like a true Jehovah’s witness b. I ain’t gon lie, this shit is funny as hell. But only on facebook.

Twitter is a completely different animal.

Why, you ask?

Because on Twitter, her favorite R&B singer, the nigga she would leave you for faster than I spent my refund check, yep ——> He’s out dwellin in ya girl’s mentions TOO, and best believe she gon respond, favorite, retweet, and throw him the combination code to the box in the DMs WHEN he presses that follow button. But before I elaborate on how nonfictional shit finna get round here, allow me to show you exhibit A:

OK. Now let’s review what the fuck just happened. Yaris was out here instagraming and uploading premium black American Express card level thirst traps on a Monday evening. Then, enter Trey Songz.

Mr. Steal Yo Girl.

Using words like “phenomenal”.

Yo, I don’t know about y’all, but if Trey Songz @’d my chick using words like phenomenal, she gotta unfollow him, report him as spam, erase every glimpse of him in her iTunes, and crush every CD with the nigga name on it, or we done yo. The relationship cannot work when niggas with Top40 hits is callin ya queen “phenomenal”. It’s one thing to let her go to the concert and grab at his jean buckle while screaming at the top of her lungs, lettin real tears fall cuz she wit you and not him. But it’s clobberin time with a capital C when the same nigga is now in direct contact with yo queen, asking her life questions and tellin her in private how much better she can do. But then, this happened……

Nigga you see all them y’s?? You think my queen gon tell me to chill and then sing the nigga name in a tweet?? Absolutely not, b!

I’m tellin y’all now. I’m committing numerous felonies to the sounds of WuTang entering the 36 Chambers if you niggas find yourselves in my queen’s inbox with Grammy nominations on ya record.

If you got a SAG card (google it), I’m showing you the quickest fade known to man.

If she got you on a poster, I’m comin with the holster.

Just FACTS, b. Niggas can’t play during cuffin season. It’s finna get cold outside. We gon need home cooked meals, back rubs, and much needed sex to ease the stress and hypothermia. Don’t be that guy. Get your own queen, bro. And stay the complete fuck out my chick’s mentions and DMs.

Especially if you ever been on MTV or the BET Awards.

And look, keeping the cuffs on yo chick during CUFFIN SEASON means you actually value ya chick. You would care if you ever lost her. It doesn’t make you the least bit insecure if you checkin her mentions and DMs DAILY, lookin out for niggas with 401Ks at age 25. She’s doin it. Believe me.

Get shit straight now. Let her know what time it is. Grammy or not, but especially if you got Grammys, DO NOT FOLLOW or @ MY PRECIOUS, TENDER QUEEN.

EVER.

Welp, that’s all I got for today. I’m finna have my chick instagram this bowl of ramen noodles, then I’mma go plank in the box. Be sure to follow me on twitter, @SmokeySnapbacks, and pass my shit along if you had a good laugh.

Til next time…

___________

Whaddup.. Snapbacks here. Been a good weekend so far. Lots of...

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:10:00 -0400

Whaddup..

Snapbacks here. Been a good weekend so far. Lots of drunk tweets and loneliness in the air due to the tropical storm. But as we approach cuffin season, this letter is for the ladies who have been waiting all summer to be in a relationship and are finally about to get their shot. Please understand as you read this, I’m just a nigga with a blog and wet socks on at work. If I offend you, I can’t care.

Ok, now that we got that out of the way…

Dear Ladies,

It’s Tuesday. Here you are sittin there in ya tank top, boy shorts, and ankle socks thinkin about all the things you’d do to Chris Brown if you ever saw him in person. I feel for you ladies. That box been lonely all summer. Every guy you came across this summer did you wrong and now you’re comin up on 5 months of no sex and shit is gettin authentic. I know. You front like you don’t care, but deep down, that shit is killing you. Its OK. I got the remedy. That one nigga you been eyein since school got back in has you on the brain and me and you both know you ain’t finna screw this chance up. Done got your hair done, nails done, feet done, been in the gym tryna stay in that size 7 the last couple weeks.. You deserve this.

But lemme you put on game. If he’s a real nigga with life goals, he probably loves two things: Football & video games. Now, you hate both, but you really HATE video games. You hate anything during cuffin season where his attention is NOT on you. This is where most of you go wrong. See, what Sundays and/or video games provides for him is a chance to habitually be great. Between his dick of a boss, that gas light that’s been on for the last 4 days, and now you, niggas need a chance to fuckin chill. This is especially where the XBOX (or PS3) comes into play.

This is how it’ll prolly go down: He’ll invite you over, maybe fix you a plate, watch some TV wit ya, or play some music. Then he’ll proceed to give you what you need. Then, as you lay to sleep, what most of you greedy, selfish, self-absorbing, newly-cuffed women will want to do is cuddle. What you should do is chill the entire fuck out, go to sleep, and leave him alone when that green ring is on. He did his deed for the day. Now reward him and let him bask in his recent accomplishments and add some points to his gamerscore. It’s only right.

Now I know many of you chicks won’t understand any of the gospel I’m typing. And some of you will want to do the one thing that scares us the most: you’ll want to play our video games.

This is where the struggle becomes omnipresent. This is where the pain begins. This is where, in some cases, domestic violence cases arise and most breakups occur. See, any man who just bought Madden 12, or NBA 2K12 in October, ain’t tryna see his record diminished by losses he HAD to take from you cuz he can’t whoop you with a real sense of accomplishment, Or even worse, you’re actually good and he hates losing on the one system that was built for him to be great.

You know what pain is? Pain is lettin her play on rookie while you play on All-Madden and watch as she repeatedly completes passes in triple coverage, on accident, and giggle as you continually struggle to run, pass, or do anything your supposed to do that requires you to win. The fuck are you gonna when she’s beatin you by 40 points on rookie, and she can’t even tell you the difference between a punt and a kickoff? That’s the last type of struggle any upstanding nigga tryna see week ONE of cuffin season.

But the fuckin coup de grâce is what almost all of you women will do: after he practically gives you two, struggle-filled, headache-inducing, temple-rubbing, painfully exhausting “wins”, just so you could participate and smile and feel good about yourself, you then proceed to rub it in his face. Instead of kissing him on his cheek and thankin him profusely, you’ll tweet about it. You’ll laugh and point and taunt him in front of his boys. Most niggas are reading this scenario with nonfictional fear, as they should. I slipped up. This scene actually happened to me. It felt like death. I felt like Hov when fam lost those 92 bricks, b.

……………But like Hov, I crawled back.

And to avoid such struggle and possible pending arrests, here’s what both sides can do to mutually prosper. Niggas, IF you allow her to play games with you, opt to play the violent, first person shooter games. That way if she’s good, then its even better. Nothing like being able to brag over that headset that your partner rackin up all the kill shots, is your queen. If not those, then stick to the Mortal Kombats, Street Fighters, Dragon Ball Zs, Tekkens — you know, the old school arcade games that you can’t care to lose in. Granted some niggas can’t lose ANY games and feel good, but most niggas would rather give up a W in a match in Mortal Kombat than watch her accidentally drive down the lane and tea bag your power forward in the paint, only to turn to you and ask how she did that. That shit ain’t fun.

Ladies, play it safe. If you never played video games before you met him, stay away. If he teaches you to play, he’s being nice. Take the wins he gives you and then go make him a sandwich or even offer to go break down his weed. If you can understand how to co-exist with his video game system, then you will find cuffin season to be quite enjoyable. I hope I taught all you ladies something valuable today and pray you avoid the familiar pitfalls that come during the first few pivotal weeks of being cuffed.

Welp, that’s all I got for today. Y’all be cool. Be sure to follow me on twitter, @SmokeySnapbacks.

Til next time…

____

Tumblr wasn’t working earlier, but here’s basically...

Sat, 03 Sep 2011 16:17:00 -0400

Tumblr wasn’t working earlier, but here’s basically the recap via twitter from last night’s party at Myspayce with Pooch Hall, in Pensacola.

Derwin Davis in Myspayce last night. What ensued from 9pm till about 3am was pure insanity.

First of all, I don’t think in my 4 years in being in Pensacola, have I ever saw so many women in one spot.

Freshly curled weave, new dresses, and high heel struggle FILLED the room, from wall to wall by 1030pm.

Not a single dude in sight b. My phone was blowing up with niggas I don’t even talk to, tryna slither in for the quick 10 or 15.

$25. You niggas couldnt spend 25 dollars to basically have free fuckin reign and access to all that available box.

They had some complications at the bar, but once the ice got there and then the liquor started goin thru the room…. shit got real.

Every single chick in that room salivated at the idea of the pending profile pics that were about to be taken. The poses were phenomenal

Picture a room full of skirts and stilettos, posing near every pillar, wall, and couch in sight. Then picture me tryin not laugh. Yea

Anyway, then Pooch showed up. Let me just say, any female there last night who ever wants to talk shit about niggas creepin in ya DMs..

If you were front and fuckin center when my mans strolled in the club with a Yankee fitted-durag combo, with the black v-neck and diddy bop

…your slander is FOREVER voided.

Thirst doesnt describe how crazy it got yo. Mind you, not a nigga in sight, so chicks were really wylin for respect with their new weaves b

but niggas couldn’t catch the quarter.. smh

anyway.. Pooch was a chill ass nigga. Drunk as thee fuck, but he was cool. Me and him chopped it up a couple times throughout the night

If I had a sharpie, he’da signed a flyer for me.. but oh well.

Then, this happened.

Its a FACT. Too many weaves in one room only begets violence.

3 freshmen from UWF went to work on some chick. Funny thing is, no one cared.

Rich Boy was in there too. Not a single beating heart cared.

But the diamond of the night was the buildup and performance of some nigga named Step Ezz.

This is the part where you stop everything you’re doing and get ready to start yell laughin uncontrollably.

I’d like to apologize for not taking pictures of this nigga. Fam had a chain b. With his name on it. If thats not struggle, I don’t what is

Yo, his moms was his manager/promoter/annoying ghetto troll on the mic who completely set back the entire race by at least 300 years

She had me and @Djdiinyce ROLLIN! Lemme try to paint a picture of the outfit she had on..

picture Precious in a large pink sheet with a missing pant leg, complete with stunna shades from ya ex bf’s prom pic & stilettos cryin tears

Then take that same image and imagine her screaming at the top of her goddamn lungs “WHERE ALL THE SEXY LADIES AT?!”

If it weren’t Pooch’s drunk ass being carted around the club like a fuckin wax statue, all the ladies w/ paid phone bills would’ve been out

Mind you, no niggas b. Like true niggas in Escambia, they sat in the parking lots. In the rain. With the utmost swag. But I’ll chill.

Son, look at the ratio.

I don’t even know who fam was. But he looked like Twin 1 and the nigga fuckin won.

But back to the recap. So we got Pooch drunk as fuck. Women everywhere. And Resputia on stage displayin the most connery possible.

I was in the DJ booth with Dom, taking pictures of the scene on the stage.

My mans momma came to the booth, handed him a mic & then poured powder in his hands. Baby powder. Niggas though the powder toss was comin yo

Fam walked on stage, chain and all, and just stood there like Pooch wasn’t swimming in thirst in the corner.

Not a single soul cared that he was about to rap. But then the powder. Fam did some Dragon Ball Z wind up with the powder for a smoke effect

Real. Fucking. Tears.

The struggle bars were real. But Pooch had a durag on. Heauxs couldn’t care for anything fam had to say on the mic.

Around 1:30am, some niggas started to slither in. Prolly for the free tho cuz the owner didnt care at that point.

An hour and a half left, they were determined to make up for lost time.

Fellas, she won’t talk to you if you standing next to a bunch of niggas who have real aspirations of roc gangin the box.

Close the end of the party, the thirst traps and “I’m never gonna drink again” tweets started to prosper all thru the TL.

Niggas, if ya chick was in Myspayce last night, and you weren’t, she was single and Pooch was her boo. Don’t argue with me bro.

But overall, everyone who went had a good time. Like every other Celebrity Friday event thus far.

It felt good not to be in a damn sausage fest struggle of a party, with buckets of non fictional thirst, for the same 10-20 chicks.

If you niggas cared about Cuffin Season, you’da been in there. BUT y’all don’t.. so I’ll chill.

But that’s pretty much my recap of last night. Shouts out to Pooch for actually showing up and showing love to EVERYONE in the party last nt

And shoutout to everyone who did go. Hopefully, you’ll attend some more..

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Thu, 01 Sep 2011 00:07:19 -0400

So.. Niggas really liked “Dear President Carter”. I...

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 17:49:14 -0400

So..

Niggas really liked “Dear President Carter”. I sincerely appreciate all the love y’all showed and are continuing to show that post. With that being said, I’d like to congratulate Wayne tho on the success of the Carter IV, as its expected to hit the 850-900K mark in its first week of sales, which would mark it the highest first week debut for a rap CD, since, ironically, Tha Carter III. Personally, I smell foul play in that stat, but whatever… his CD sales don’t affect me in the least bit, I’m still on the hunt for access into the DM box of Yaris Sanchez, and being that Beyonce gettin pregnant got maaaaad scorned, uncuffable bitches out here WYLIN for respect in these streets, niggas like myself still gotta keep it real. So, my next letter is addressed to another nigga who lowkey seems on the verge of unsurpassable struggle.. that’s right.

Wiz Khalifa.

______

Dear Mr. Khalifa,

First, lemme say congratulations on all your recent success. You’re fresh off a world tour, Rolling Papers debuted number 2 on the Billboard 200, and you officially have your foot in the muthafuckin door. Being a fan of yours since 2007, I’m always and still happy to see you win, b. But, like most niggas who start winning in this music biz, couple plaques in and you start making moves out here that make niggas with quarter tanks of gas and a working XBOX panic thee fuck out.

Son, cuffin season is around the fuckin corner! Madden just dropped, Game got the number one album in the country, despite Kendrick CLOSING the album on track 2, Wayne on everyone’s flatscreen in HD, jumpin and bulging around in leapord jeggins while not giving a single fuck — Yo, shit is 10 levels above real out here yo! But instead of setting the bar for young niggas in search of bad bitches and good weed, you went out and cuffed the most uncuffable woman on the planet: Amber Rose.

Now, there’s no question that Amber is fine as fuck. I’m the sure the box is quality too. We won’t dispute that. In fact, niggas was kind of happy for you till you started talkin marriage.

Marriage.

Fuck you talkin bout marriage for yo?? Niggas in my next class could write full blown novels detailing the ins and outs of her box, her cellphone pics, her twitter password, son SHIT AIN’T SAFE!! She can’t keep SHIT off the internet. — But nevermind all that. A year ago, you were THAT nigga in hip hop yo. Kush & Orange Juice, nigga.

Kush and MUTHAFUCKIN Orange Juice, yo. Shit was real b. Shit was goddamn real.

You were the only nigga in hip hop that mattered yo.

but Son, the fuck is goin here in these pics yo…

Pinky?

FUCKIN Word, son??

Yo, in case you forgot, niggas got ipods in 2011. Cabin Fever can’t get no more spins b. Niggas need new music. And not just new music. Niggas need another godsend of tape, full of tracks produced by Cardo & Sledgren, and maybe a couple Lex Luger tracks sprinkled in there. Any other producer, unless they layin you beats that will just disrespect the trunk of my car with the utmost swag, have got to fuckin go yo! Only niggas allowed in the studio for collabs is Spitta and Big Sean. If you see the nigga Chevy or Cleako even pondering syllables, doing anything other than gathering the weed, proceed to show them the nearest fade and then quickly escort them to the nearest Dunkin Donuts with a job application and resume in hand. You see where I’m goin with this? Get back on yo bullshit, g. There is no room for fuckin Amber Rose or you and her’s marital aspirations. FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT LOVEY DOVEY CHUBBY WUBBY SHIT, CAMERON!! I almost lost my fuckin mind when I saw this yo…

That can’t be the same nigga who said “Uh, I don’t love ‘em, I don’t chase ‘em I duck ‘em / Smoke somethin’, go to a new state soon as I fuck ‘em / Niggas be pressed for pussy, it aint nothing / Instead of worrying about who that bitch fuckin’, why don’t you get you some money / 9 times out of 10 she see me stuntin’/ Game running, wanna know my hotel and who phone to ring when she coming / I keep it one hundred, get love from the hoes, but it’s, money over bitches nothing above it”

But yo, again, congrats on all your new success. We really happy for you out here.. But its time to wake the fuck up b. That brazilian fly trap you tryna wife almost single-handily prevented the Throne from ever happening. Don’t argue with me bro. That nigga Ye was PROUDLY takin shots of Hennessy to the head at the VMAs in ‘08, displaying some of the purest struggle this world’s ever seen. Locked hands with WHO??

Yep, you guessed it.

I hope this letter sparks the fire that ultimately bring us How Fly 2, and many other dope projects that will save niggas like myself during those troubling times that Cuffin Season ultimately brings. Let’s face it. When ya queen shuts off the XBOX during the 4th qtr of an intense online Madden session, some new music to smoke and vent to from yours truly will save A LOT of female lives b.

As Yeezy so eloquently put it…

That shit cray.

Welp, its 4:30 on a Wednesday afternoon so I gotta go find Andressa Soares and plank in her box. Be sure to follow me on Twitter, @SmokeySnapbacks, and if you enjoyed my blog, pass it along.

Til next time…

_____

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Tue, 30 Aug 2011 19:21:29 -0400

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Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:04:43 -0400

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Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:00:13 -0400

Dear President Carter, What in the ENTIRE fuck is going on, b?...

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 15:42:00 -0400

Dear President Carter,

What in the ENTIRE fuck is going on, b? What the fuck are you doing in a goddamn pair of leapord print JEGGINS nigga?!?! Niggas was chillin, watchin the Throne at the VMAs, celebrating the existence of the fetus soon to be known as Brooklyn Carter, you know, normal shit on a Sunday..

Then…

Here you come to close out the show looking like you came straight from the pride parade with no afterthought of the real niggas that might’ve been watching the VMAs last night. Son, you dropped an album today. Delayed, at that. You been making a lot of suspect moves lately. In fact, to be honest, ever since you made “Lollipop”, shit aint been the same, b. Now, you did calm some waters with No Ceilings last year, but this new album you put out (and lets not forget Sorry For the Wait) got niggas screaming FINISH HIM with reckless abandon. You remember ByrdGang, right? You know, Dipset? Juelz? Jim? Welp, niggas decided to speak they mind b..

How you feel bout that, Wayne? Back in 05, you released probably the best album you’re EVER gonna make, Tha Carter II, and despite high sales and minimal slander from Carter III, I feel you need to really sit down and understand what you doin out here for niggas with life goals and paid phone bills. You got more baby moms than I got fingers, you out here bussin ya ass on skateboards with a real (sober?) smile on ya face, and the hardest nigga in ya crew right now is rocking sweaters in this heat, while drinking Rose in Marvin’s Room. Son, do you even remember Dedication 1 & 2? Da Drought series? Do you remember the pure coke you used to spit on these niggas songs? Do you remember how niggas was really ready to put you on the muthafuckin THRONE b??

THEN to top it all off, you out here dissin the only nigga in the game right now who CAN’T lose. At 40-something, Hov out here in steel toes and snapbacks, choppin up Maybachs and impregnating America’s sweetheart. Meanwhile, Tyga and Birdman… nevermind. I digress.

The point is, you really lettin us down yo. The amount of struggle and AYO bars on your latest compact disc is REAL yo. Son, explain some of these lines yo:

- “I’m a beast, I’m an ass, I’m ahead of my class / I’m a diamond in the rough like a baby in the trash”

- “Boy I send them bloods at ya ass like a tampon… Weezy gon ball / ball like Steve Harvey”

- “You don’t need a buss pass for me to bust yo ass nigga”

- “I do it for the money, man I’m such a fuckin hooker”

Son.. there like 20 songs on the deluxe version, and those lines were from like 2 songs ALONE. This can’t be the same nigga who gave us Dedication 2, Drought 3, and Tha Carter II. No fuckin way.

Barely a year of jail and months of pushbacks should’ve gave us All Eyez on Me 2.0, but nooooooooooo. Instead, fresh outta jail, we got this.

Figure it out, Dewayne.. Or it may be time to go ahead and calmly escort you to the fuckin door.

——-

@SmokeySnapbacks