Niggas really liked “Dear President Carter”. I sincerely appreciate all the love y’all showed and are continuing to show that post. With that being said, I’d like to congratulate Wayne tho on the success of the Carter IV, as its expected to hit the 850-900K mark in its first week of sales, which would mark it the highest first week debut for a rap CD, since, ironically, Tha Carter III. Personally, I smell foul play in that stat, but whatever… his CD sales don’t affect me in the least bit, I’m still on the hunt for access into the DM box of Yaris Sanchez, and being that Beyonce gettin pregnant got maaaaad scorned, uncuffable bitches out here WYLIN for respect in these streets, niggas like myself still gotta keep it real. So, my next letter is addressed to another nigga who lowkey seems on the verge of unsurpassable struggle.. that’s right.
Dear Mr. Khalifa,
First, lemme say congratulations on all your recent success. You’re fresh off a world tour, Rolling Papers debuted number 2 on the Billboard 200, and you officially have your foot in the muthafuckin door. Being a fan of yours since 2007, I’m always and still happy to see you win, b. But, like most niggas who start winning in this music biz, couple plaques in and you start making moves out here that make niggas with quarter tanks of gas and a working XBOX panic thee fuck out.
Son, cuffin season is around the fuckin corner! Madden just dropped, Game got the number one album in the country, despite Kendrick CLOSING the album on track 2, Wayne on everyone’s flatscreen in HD, jumpin and bulging around in leapord jeggins while not giving a single fuck — Yo, shit is 10 levels above real out here yo! But instead of setting the bar for young niggas in search of bad bitches and good weed, you went out and cuffed the most uncuffable woman on the planet: Amber Rose.
Now, there’s no question that Amber is fine as fuck. I’m the sure the box is quality too. We won’t dispute that. In fact, niggas was kind of happy for you till you started talkin marriage.
Fuck you talkin bout marriage for yo?? Niggas in my next class could write full blown novels detailing the ins and outs of her box, her cellphone pics, her twitter password, son SHIT AIN’T SAFE!! She can’t keep SHIT off the internet. — But nevermind all that. A year ago, you were THAT nigga in hip hop yo. Kush & Orange Juice, nigga.
Kush and MUTHAFUCKIN Orange Juice, yo. Shit was real b. Shit was goddamn real.
You were the only nigga in hip hop that mattered yo.
but Son, the fuck is goin here in these pics yo…
FUCKIN Word, son??
Yo, in case you forgot, niggas got ipods in 2011. Cabin Fever can’t get no more spins b. Niggas need new music. And not just new music. Niggas need another godsend of tape, full of tracks produced by Cardo & Sledgren, and maybe a couple Lex Luger tracks sprinkled in there. Any other producer, unless they layin you beats that will just disrespect the trunk of my car with the utmost swag, have got to fuckin go yo! Only niggas allowed in the studio for collabs is Spitta and Big Sean. If you see the nigga Chevy or Cleako even pondering syllables, doing anything other than gathering the weed, proceed to show them the nearest fade and then quickly escort them to the nearest Dunkin Donuts with a job application and resume in hand. You see where I’m goin with this? Get back on yo bullshit, g. There is no room for fuckin Amber Rose or you and her’s marital aspirations. FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT LOVEY DOVEY CHUBBY WUBBY SHIT, CAMERON!! I almost lost my fuckin mind when I saw this yo…
That can’t be the same nigga who said “Uh, I don’t love ‘em, I don’t chase ‘em I duck ‘em / Smoke somethin’, go to a new state soon as I fuck ‘em / Niggas be pressed for pussy, it aint nothing / Instead of worrying about who that bitch fuckin’, why don’t you get you some money / 9 times out of 10 she see me stuntin’/ Game running, wanna know my hotel and who phone to ring when she coming / I keep it one hundred, get love from the hoes, but it’s, money over bitches nothing above it”
But yo, again, congrats on all your new success. We really happy for you out here.. But its time to wake the fuck up b. That brazilian fly trap you tryna wife almost single-handily prevented the Throne from ever happening. Don’t argue with me bro. That nigga Ye was PROUDLY takin shots of Hennessy to the head at the VMAs in ‘08, displaying some of the purest struggle this world’s ever seen. Locked hands with WHO??
Yep, you guessed it.
I hope this letter sparks the fire that ultimately bring us How Fly 2, and many other dope projects that will save niggas like myself during those troubling times that Cuffin Season ultimately brings. Let’s face it. When ya queen shuts off the XBOX during the 4th qtr of an intense online Madden session, some new music to smoke and vent to from yours truly will save A LOT of female lives b.
As Yeezy so eloquently put it…
That shit cray.
Welp, its 4:30 on a Wednesday afternoon so I gotta go find Andressa Soares and plank in her box. Be sure to follow me on Twitter, @SmokeySnapbacks, and if you enjoyed my blog, pass it along.
Til next time…