It’s been too long. Did you miss me? Of course you did.. I know. We bouta month into cuffin season, my Eagles are 1 and goddamn FOUR, and there isn’t a single NBA game or season in sight.
But before I get started, …. son….
Ok, OK.. Let’s get right to it..
October 4th, 2011. The day when women everywhere, who terrorized us with nightly tweets about Basketball Wives and Beyonce’s bump inspiring them (Yep!), were in a unifying panic the instant the clock read 12:00am. The minute you swiped that card and that transaction was OFFICIAL, yo…
Only a Ronny Turiaf gif could do this justice.
You fucking right.
For those who don’t have the game yet, or don’t intend on buyin it, lemme help you out and give you a quick rundown of what ya missing.
NBA’s Greatest Mode: This year, instead of just reliving Jordan’s career, now we can play and unlock 14 other superstars and their respective teams. Bird and Magic. Wilt versus Russell. Ewing. Malone and Stockton. Shaq and Penny. And a bunch more. The presentation is crazy too. The Bill Russell game is played in black and white, like it was back in the 50s-60s, whenever he played, whereas the 1990s games with Hakeem vs Dikembe, or Jordan vs Zo and Grandmama are played in color, but still retro, basically like you would’ve watched it in the 1990s.
Online Association: Since Stern and the players can’t get they shit together, this feature allows you and 29 other people to form your own NBA league and play out a season, make trades, the All-Star game, the playoffs, all that shit. Gets better.
2K Player Mode: Son. Shit don’t get any realer than this mode here this year. I can’t even explain how quickly life changed for me and the box the moment I created my player for this mode/segment of the game. Let’s start with the basics: The details on the player models this year are fuckin crazy. You can create/duplicate ya OWN jumpshot — that’s right. That same struggle shot you be displaying at ya local rec gym — David Stern actually calls ya name out on Draft night, you get to play in the pre-draft Rookie Showcase to determine ya draft stock, negotiate contracts, pre-draft team interviews, new endorsement deals — magazine covers, billboards, muthafuckin COMMERCIALS b — brand new kicks and equipment; Basically everything you was supposed to do and have til you realized unless you was 6’8” 270 doing windmills, you wasn’t goin to the goddamn league? They covered it all. All ya hoop dreams b, for $59.99. That’s so damn dope, we gotta bring my man Ronz back.
I could go on, but basically you get the idea. 2K12 is the remedy for all ya problems during cuffin season. It’s also most likely gonna be the reason some of ya’lls relationship winds up completely in shambles. See, while you thinkin of all the shit you finna talk while racking up wins and stats in ya V.I.P. Viewer, ya queen is doing this ———>
Why you ask?
Because like all video games you love, 2K12 presents you with numerous opportunities to be great. To prosper. To chill. And me and you both know ya queen don’t know how to chill. Especially in October. Not with Hoelloween around the corner.
One of my followers on twitter proceeded to log in and “drop knowledge” on how to put an end to the constant box struggle against the game. Basically, she suggested that ya queen go throw some lingerie on, throw some finger food on a plate, and try to divert your attention back to her and away from the game.
Yea Mike, I know.
First of all, the FUCK is finger food b? I know what a snack is. I can’t fuck with finger food. That shit got struggle written all over it.
Finger food. Smh.
Secondly, He just paid $59.99 to relive every last bit of all his hoop dreams yo. For the first two weeks upon his purchase, and until he wins at least 15-20 games online, on HOF difficulty, technically, ya’ll don’t even go together. Trust me, that’s a FACT.
Welp, that’s all I got for today. I got a lot of new ventures coming soon, so be on the lookout for those. In meantime, be sure to #UnfollowCobb. In fact, Cobbert, if you reading this right now with Hello Kitty socks and a Kobe jersey on, I want the fade on sight b.
…Til next time…